july 2012 – monthly theme posts – family building

Here are the entries from your fellow PAIL Bloggers for the July monthly theme post. These posts run the gamut, from excitement to fear, from confidence to reluctance, and from lacing back up to being done the race. We thank you all so much for sharing your thoughts on this complex topic with us. We know it isn’t easy.

Visit and comment at your leisure! (This post will stay on the main page for a week and then be moved to the drop down menu in the pink toolbar in case you missed anything or want to come back for more!)

Suggested prompts:

  • Have you completed your family building or are you considering trying to add another child to your family?
  • What does your “complete” family look like? Has this changed along your ALI journey?
  • Do you think there is such a thing as “optimal” child-spacing? What do you think this is, and what do you base it on?
  • Are you factoring in how far apart your children would be in your decision to start trying again? How so?
  • If you are planning to add to your family, what considerations must you take into account (i.e. beginning treatment again, pursuing adoption again, finances, etc.)
  • Knowing what you know now, what are your emotional considerations in trying for a second (or third, or fourth, etc.)? This is a very large and difficult question, and may have a variety of answers within the same individual.

Contributing bloggers:

  1. Coco over at Fruit Snacks and Freezer Jam feels the clock ticking and gives us her thoughts on fairly tales, special effects, and trying to have more children in her post this month.
  2. Julia from 3 Bed, 2 Bath, 1 Baby  talks about how her plans for another baby are complicated because of the peace and stability of her household, but is torn because of her undefinable desire to have another in her post “Are you going to give Ethan a brother?”
  3. Traathy at They All Lived has this to say:  “Oh hellllll no”
  4. Sarah of Mommyhood After Fertility Frustration gives us insight into how the “…parents of a miracle IVF baby decide to move forward with treatment to give their miracle a sibling or 2 or 3...” in her post.
  5. Kalyn from The Kasun Family describes how her childhood and family structure has impacted her considerations on family building.
  6. Geek of Baby and the Geeks doubts she’ll want to go through the process of baby making again after she’s lost all control of her baby’s impending birth and the plans for it, as outlined in her post “Control“.
  7. Heather at The Road Less Traveled tell us in her post that “Being a mom is what I was meant to do. I am cautious, but still excited about trying for #2 and having 2 babies under 2.”
  8. AS (aka Mira’s Mama) writes about feeling peace with being a family of three and trying to put away old, irrational fears about having an only child.
  9. Kerri (aka uncommonnonsense1) of Uncommon Nonsense asks an important question in her post, Birth Control? Really? Do infertiles have the luxury of child spacing and family planning?
  10. Kacey from Recipe for a Baby is wondering what comes next: Our Family Building journey with FET.
  11. AL over at Mission: Motherhood submitted another thoughtful post on further consideration on family building. Also be sure to check out her PAIL featured post “gun shy” about her conflicting emotions surrounding the process.
  12. Gemini Momma from Three Geminis and a Sagittarius details her thoughts on adding to a family when you already have twins after infertility (“You’ve Lost Your Ever Lovin’ Mind” she says.) And on worrying in pregnancy, wishing for do-overs and requesting time machines.
  13. Erin of Dreaming of Babies says in her theme post that they would love to add to our family, but various factors may prevent that from happening.
  14. Ashley over at Traditionally Nontraditional tells that she is “…adding to our family sooner rather than later and doing it not only for The Hubbs and I but for Jackson” in her submission.
  15. Courtney from All the Sun For You says that “…with an ambivalent heart, it’s time for us to just jump in and try our IVF luck again to give our son a much needed little friend” in her post “Considering Our Family“.
  16. Angela from Three is a Magic Number describes her post as “Our emotional journey from successfully having a baby and no way in hell are we doing that again, to well… maybe, to JUST KIDDING.” (Note: password = PAIL)
  17. Josey of My Cheap Version of Therapy says that though she is “…infinitely happy with one child, part of me would still love to give Stella a sibling. Will my body work on its own this time? Will we use ART? Adoption? Nothing? Who knows…
  18. Stephanie at Blawnde’s Blog shares her thoughts on adding another baby to their family, and how TTC is different this time around in her theme post.
  19. SRB from Little Chicken Nugget frames her considerations on family building in three acts, with an unexpected plot twist in her post “adding an ‘s’“.
  20. We received  a comment from reader “A.” on the callout post that I encourage you to read. A. does not have a blog, but had some thoughts to share with us, so feel free to use that comment thread if you would like to respond to her.
  21. Artistmouse and her husband are flip-flopping on whether to try for baby #2.
  22. No Baby Ruth says “Call me naive if you must, but we’ll get #2 (and maybe #3?) some day” in her post “One Plus One Doesn’t Always Equal Two“.
  23. L from Life with L and J struggles to know when the time is right to try for #2 after conceiving their son through IUI.
  24. Mrs. Gamgee shares her reasoning behind taking permanent measures to prevent future pregnancies with us in her post “The Future of the Gamgee Clan“.
  25. Christina at According To C says that with just a couple of weeks to go before having their first baby, they’re already thinking about having a second!
  26. Julie Anita from The Adventures of Chicken and Ham is struggling with deciding whether to bet on, or against her fertility when deciding how soon to start TTC #3 in her post “More Babies Come Tumbling Down the Conveyor Belt.”
  27. Miss Mac from MAC and PC tells us why her family feels complete in her submission.
  28. Missy at My Scarlet Baby talks about redefining her blogging, considerations on adopting a second child, and wanting to close the chapter on family building.
  29. Esperanza of Stumbling Gracefully shares her thoughts with us in The Long Road to Now(here).
  30. Sunnymama (new to the blogroll!) has written about coming to terms with most likely not being able to give her son a sibling. Pop on over to lend your ear and say hello.
  31. MomPharmD wrote about the surprise early pregnancy that might just end the “when are you having another?” queries, and how scary that remains after three losses.
  32. Buck Up, Buttercup write answered a Q&A about her family building plans in “Baby Number Three?
  33. missohkay discusses fear, RPL and a second adoption in her post “Fear is the path to dark side“, featuring Star Wars references and the colour orange.
  34. Bethany at Cloudy with a Chance of Infertility gives us her thoughts with a 9 week old.

*****

Did we forget you? Do you have a post you still want to share? Let us know in the comments below or contact us!

Do you have an idea for a future theme post topic? Let us know that too in the open thread!

*****

Share. Visit. Read. Comment. Support.

featured post: ‘waves crashing’ by metholic’s blog

In her post, “waves crashing” at Metholic’s Blog, Chandra paints a stirring picture of how pregnancy after infertility reminds her of her deep love of growing up near the ocean, and how that love was tempered by the one time she was struck by a freak tidal wave.

Chandra has beautifully described both the elation and the fear of pregnancy after infertility and foster-parenting – the ebb and flow of worry and relief. Of joy and anxiety.

I wouldn’t let myself say “when the baby comes” but instead would say “when/if the baby comes”.  Because I couldn’t set myself up for that pain, I couldn’t just assume I was going to get a live healthy baby out of this.  I had to be on guard for a tidal wave.

I worry too about after the baby is here  … The focus has been for years to get to one thing: healthy, live, baby.  That is all you can think about, just get to that point and then you can breathe, then you can let it go, then you can just be a parent.  But with the women I’ve talked with, this isn’t the case.  It doesn’t just all magically go away.  And your brain, so focused, for so long, on just getting to the ‘baby’ part of it, doesn’t know what to do now that baby is here…Because for so long your anchor, your reality, was infertility, it became part of your identity, and now that identity is gone or at least drastically changed, which you are thankful for, but that doesn’t mean that it’s suddenly ‘all-better’.  You could still be cut, bruised, scarred.

Please head over to Metholic’s Blog to read the rest of Chandra’s powerful post about her experience of pregnancy after infertility and loss. Comments on this thread will be closed in an effort for you to connect with Chandra directly and share your thoughts with her.

*****

**If you have a post that you would like share, please post a link in the comments of the Featured Posts open thread for June, 2012.

Share. Visit. Read. Comment. Support.

what now? life on “the other side”

You may have noticed that since moving to this new space, we have modified the PAIL acronym. “After” just didn’t quite feel right. And drawing on the many, many comments around the blogosphere these past few months, it didn’t quite feel right to many of you either. We settled on “through” as it felt a little more fluid. The ebb and flow of healing, of moving onward, however we may get there.

In the past few weeks, I have read a few powerful posts on the topic of healing. Each one began to stir the silt I had been letting settle but had not really begun to filter. The silt that makes my half-full/half-empty glass murky. The silt that IF and loss has eroded into my glass. A comment on one such post lead me to search for this article at Salon.com:

Now what? Life after cancer treatment by Mary Elizabeth Williams

I read it. And I wept. Not only because I had been reliving a lot of “old” feelings I have about losing a piece of my heart to cancer, but also because I think about losing a piece of my heart to infertility and loss all the time.

[Read more...]

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 446 other followers

%d bloggers like this: